The Rev. Anne MacNabb

Good Morning!  Happy Mother’s Day!  This morning we are kicking off our new Sermon Series “Building a better life” and we begin today by considering how we can build a better life by being better parents… and children. 

Let’s start with a question… what has your Mom (or Dad) done for you?  What did she sacrifice to be your mom or what did she give up in order to give you something?

My parents divorced when I was five years old.  My little sister was 2.  My father, while he visited occasionally, is not a man that is emotionally capable of a relationship.  My mother, God bless her, raised us by herself. She raised two young women to be strong and independent and she made sure we went to college – on her teacher’s salary.  My mom still sacrifices for me by helping me each week so I can serve St. Matthews and she and my sister sacrifice their Sunday mornings and they are now teaching the preschool Sunday School class so Colin will have a great church experience. 

Mothers (and fathers) do so very much for us and I believe that just about every parent starts being a parent with the best of intentions… to do things the right way – whatever they believe that to be.  They will NOT make the mistakes their parents made… and then life happens and some of those ideals slip away, they get caught up in every day life, the routine, the stress, maybe even the lack of sleep that comes with having a child, and those ideals… are just that… ideals, but they are not reality.

Let’s be honest, while we may have had perfection as a goal when we started, we know that no parent is perfect… we all have made mistakes.  We all have been frustrated with situations, we all have had things happen that frankly we didn’t have any idea how to handle, and yet, we are the parents so we’ve had to handle them.

For some of us, Mother’s day, frankly is difficult.  Maybe our Moms are no longer with us, maybe we’ve lost a child, maybe our parents were such bad parents that being reminded of them just isn’t something we appreciate at all.  Maybe our parents, however old they might be, are still parents that hurt us. 

What is most important is that while we make mistakes, and we all do, we do whatever possible to be the best parents we can be.  If we have hurts, we figure out how to deal with them.  If we need help dealing with something… we get it. 

The first rule in being a good parent, is taking care of yourself.  If you haven’t dealt with your own hurts and haven’t been able to figure out how to get over it, you can be sure your kids will know something is wrong.  Our children watch everything we do and every reaction we have.  Even when you think they aren’t paying attention, they hear and see everything.  And they learn from it.  No matter how old your children are, they are still learning from you and pay attention to your every move.    You need to deal with the stress in your life, get your relationships in order, get enough sleep and eat well.  Be healthy if you want your children to be healthy.  They learn from you.

The second big rule in parenting is to listen to your children.  Pay attention to what they say, ask questions, and care about whatever your children are saying to you.  If you want to know what’s going on in your child’s life, you have to start asking early on – when as soon as they can talk.  Have a time when you ask about their day – and listen.  Who did they play with today?  What went well today?  What didn’t go well?  Now, the important thing here is to not OVERREACT.  The point here is to know what is going on and to help your children to learn to solve their own problems – you can’t solve them for them.  When they are adults you want them to have healthy relationships and those skills start now.    Listen, don’t criticize.  If you need to help them to think about something differently, ask “what could you have done differently.”  “what if you tried …..”   You want them to feel free to talk with you without fear. 

So many parents wonder why their teenagers don’t talk to them about what is going on in their lives… it could be that they don’t feel like they can.  If they are worried about being met with criticism why would they talk to us?

The third big rule is to forgive.  Forgive yourself for your mistakes.  Forgive your children for theirs. Don’t bring up past hurts every time you get upset. Stick with the issue at hand.   If you have mistakes you are making repeatedly, you may find you can’t just get over it… you may need some help finding ways to not repeat those same mistakes.  If that is you, come see me or Rob, a life coach, a therapist, someone who can help you. But don’t just stay in that cycle of pain and hurt.

Now, let me say one thing about being a child.  Whether you are still a child or you are an adult child… your parents aren’t perfect.  Most of them tried or are trying the best they can.  You need to forgive them for their faults.  And, in some cases, that isn’t easy.  In cases of abuse I am not in any way suggesting that you put yourself into those abusive situations or relationships again, but I am saying that at some point you have to forgive so that you can get on with your life.  For normal offenses I always say that the statute of limitations on parental crimes is 30 years old.  Once you turn 30, you have to stop blaming your parents for your actions.  You are old enough to be responsible for your actions.  If your actions are those you are not proud of, change…. Or get help. 

In today’s gospel lesson a man is paralyzed and lying on a mat near the pool at Bethesda.  It was believed at the time that an angel would come and stir the water, when that happened the first person in the water would be healed.  This man lay on that mat by that pool for 38 years.  Jesus comes to him and asks him “Do you want to be healed?”  and the man’s response, shockingly, isn’t YES!  It is a defensive response on why he isn’t healed… Jesus who so many followed around and so many pressed in on him for healing isn’t called to by those seeking healing around that pool and when he does offer it, the man he asks gets defensive.

If your life is one full of stress, maybe anger, and is something completely other than what you wanted for your life.  If your children are suffering because of everything that’s going on in your family… Jesus is asking you if you want to be healed.  Please don’t respond to Him with a lot of excuses.  My parents were bad parents, I’m doing the best I can, if my kids would only listen.  If my spouse would only help.  This isn’t about anyone other than you and God. If you seek Him you will find Him.  If you want to be healed from hurt, He will heal you… you may have some work to do on yourself, you may even need to find professional help, but in order to be a great parent and to build a better life, you have to seek God and have Him in your life, leading and guiding you each day.  The more you welcome God into your heart and into your life, the better your life will be – less stress, more rest, more peace.  So.. dads and moms… do you want to be healed?